10 Dalil Kenapa Fido* Perlu Dibuang Batch

Walaupun semua orang tersangatlah sibuk (kecuali Nik, Mattop, Shasha & Co yang tak habis2 hantar e-mail), adalah menjadi kewajipan untuk aku luangkan 10 minit masa aku untuk mengusulkan Sdr Muhammad Firdaus Datuk Munir, anak kepada Datin Andek *something something* dibuang batch atas sebab-sebab berikut:

LATAR BELAKANG USUL

Saudara Fido telahpun menjemput rakan-rakan untuk menghadiri perkahwinan beliau di Teras Jeranang, Kajang pada hari Sabtu yang lepas, iaitu 14 Julai. Maka saya dan Sdr Azlan Majid pun terkial-kial lah berkejar pada hari Sabtu itu walaupun banyak tugasan masih belum dihabiskan.

Sesampainya di sana, hujan turun mencurah-curah, maka basahlah kami berdua kerana kereta terpaksa diletak di tempah yang sangat jauh. Kami sudah basah kuyup sehingga nampak puting buah dada menjelang sampai ke khemah menyambut tetamu, yang mana penuh sesak dengan orang, maka makin basah kuyup lah kami.

Setelah bersusah payah masuk ke dalam, tidak kelihatan seorang pun budak batch. Tambahan kawasan tetamu makan sudah banjir dan air sudah sampai ke buku lali dan semua tetamu tidak mahu keluar kerana tidak berpayung, sehingga wujud "leher botol" (bottleneck) di kawasan khemah menunggu.

Dalam keadaan basah kuyup sehingga tahap kelucahan, kami berdua mengambil keputusan untuk tidak makan dan cukuplah sekadar bertemu mata dengan Sdr Fido. Malangnya Sdr Fido langsung tidak kelihatan, ditanya di merata-rata tidak diketahui pula ke mana gerangan pengantin.

Sehinggalah kami diberitahu dia sedang beristirehat di dalam rumah.

Kami pun meredah hujan sekali lagi pergi berjumpa, rupa-rupanya dia sedang bergembira sedang bermain dengan keris kontotnya.

Setelah dipanggil berkali-kali, barulah dia datang tersengih-sengih (dan masih belum menyebut nama aku dengan betul, masih "-gh" bukan "-r"!). Apabila ditanya kenapa jadi begini, jawapannya mudah "di luar kawalan manusia".

Kemudian kami pun beredar dan terperangkap sekali lagi di khemah tetamu, tak sampai hati pulak nak pulang tanpa tinggalkan duit cenderahati. Jadi kami pun berilah duit cenderahati walaupun kami makan hati.

15 minit kemudian di lebuhraya kereta aku dicium dari belakang oleh seorang budak perempuan kolej yang cuba pulak menggoda aku tengah-tengah lebuhraya dan hujan! Dah lah lapar, kecik mati kemudian habis bumper kereta aku hancus!

Maka atas sebab-sebab ini saya mengusulkan Sdr Fido dibuang batch kerana 10 dalil berikut:

1) Tidak menyediakan bomoh hujan secukupnya atau sehandalnya sehingga lenjan semua orang (dia "basah" tak apa lah pengantin baru, kitorang buat apa)

2) Susunan logistik yang sangat tidak cekap sehingga wujud "leher botol" yang sesak dan membanyakkan lagi "puting buah dada" kelihatan

3) Lari meninggalkan tetamu ketika tetamu bersusah payah dan sedang menderita di luar

4) Merelakan tetamu melihat dan menghidu makanan dari jauh sahaja dalam keadaan basah kuyup

5) The trickery untuk memaksa aku dan Allen mengadakan wet t-shirt show secara percuma dan tanpa kami rela

6) Mencatat sejarah sebagai kenduri pertama aku menghulurkan wang cenderahati sebagai pertukaran makan hati

7) Keris kau kontot sangat

8) Sampai sekarang makhraj dan pronounciation tak betul, still sebut "ghamai-ghamai", "ghembell", "ghambut", "ghagbi"

9) Memang dah kena buang batch pun berdasarkan jumlah kehadiran, sebab hanya aku, Allen, Ikram, Champ dan Jures yang hadir, itu pun tidak bersama

10) Keretaku dicium dari belakang gara-gara hadir ke perkahwinan terbasah abad ini

Saya juga ingin memulakan majlis melelong dan membida no. dobi Sdr Fido iaitu E79.

Saya akan pastikan bagaimana tinggi bidaannya, saya akan menang sebab kemudian saya nak bagi no. dobi tu kepada jamban terjamban yang paling busuk dari abad yang lepas dan telahpun dibuang batch, untuk dijemput menggunakan E79 (kalau sapa-sapa ada calon janmban paling busuk ini, bolehlah dicalonkan kepada saya).

Sekian, saya mengusulkan.


NOTA KAKI (YANG BASAH)
* - Fido Dido Yo Do Study ke Studo

** - sejak kebelakangan ni sudah ada 3 perkahwinan, ranking kepuasan bagi mereka yang menghadiri adalah seperti berikut:

Perkahwinan Sdr Noorulzaman - 5 bintang
Makanan kow kow kow kow kow punya, boleh tambah 3 kali sebab sedap sangat, and cendol ditambah each time habis. Memang best and boleh jumpa kawan-kawan lama. Lepas tu pakaian dia macam hero hindustani, one in a million.

Perkahwinan Sdr Effendi - 5 bintang
Makan banyak and tak segan-segan, ramai member batch datang and siap dia perkenalkan and baca biography each one of us kat depan parents dia bila perkenalkan. Terharu aku

Perkahwinan Sdr Fido - 5 jamban
Hampeh, atas sebab-sebab yang dah diterangkan di atas.

*** - gambar-gambar perkahwinan yang bertaraf bintang sahaja akan disiarkan disini tidak lama lagi.

Mighty Ducks & Debating Teams: Training Sessions

Time does fly so quickly.

As the winners of 2007's PPM were announced at PICC, the training for koleq's 2008 debating teams begins. I would not want to go into the details, but this is the first time that I actually coach a group of debaters from scratch. From zero. From the very basic of testing the loudness of their voices.

How did it feel? Uncertain. There were times I felt I was dragging my feet as I don't think I am up for another 4-year journey waiting for the team to mature; yet you cannot abandon the kids. I just don't have the heart, especially when I have been with some of them since their very first few days in koleq - just as I am now with the F1s in the team.

Because we are looking after 2 teams now, we make a point to conduct the training session for the debating and hockey teams simultaneously. So while I was training the debaters, KNO was with the hockey boys. Canoe did come for a while but drove back half an hour after that to KL.


The training session was so important for the Junior Duckies as this is the first time we assemble a junior team (F1 and F2) this year. We did not have any hockey players or a formal team before - so when we first met the boys on Saturday, KNO and I were quite impressed with Am and the F4s (anak-anak itik sulung) for being able to put together 2 teams in such a short time. Even when the HM turun padang the next day, he was surprised to see there were about 50+ hockey players from the F1s to F4s.



What he didn't know was the ordeal the F4s and us had to go through to convince the juniors to play hockey.

For a start, none of the F1s ever played hockey. Only one in F2s had played before. So the first kink that we didn't expect - they didn't have sticks and balls to begin with (I mean hockey sticks and balls!). Sticks cost quite considerably, and to start playing with a low quality stick would not have been prudent; as these sticks might be damaged or broken very earlier on. So they have to get quite a decent stick for a starter.


But a decent stick costs a bit, especially when you have to buy them within a space of one week before the training session was launched.

So while some did not mind forking out the money, others would find it difficult to ask the sum from the parents; and understandably at that.

What did we have to do?


We had to start a hire purchase scheme for the kids to buy hockey sticks - but this hire purchase is without any agreement, just the trust that they will repay us back on monthly basis until the HP is settled.

And that's how we ended with a lot of hockey players last weekend.

We were joined by Angsa Putih (the technical advisor Thorsten) and Itik Lawak (Badut) and Mak Itik Lawak (Red). An hour before the training on Sunday was due to begin, Badut called to tell me his car could not start and tersadai in front of Yut Loy!


Half an hour later, four accountants (myself, KNO, Badut and Red) were still trying to figure out how to jump start Badut's car, while Thorsten (after knowing that I have an electrical and electronics engineering degree!) further reiterated his opinion that our education system was too exam centric and I was the living evidence.

Luckily after so many consultations (which included Bobo's googling on how to jump start a car) and 45 minutes later - we managed to start the car without blowing up my own!

So everything went well.



The boys looked very eager and the F5s (Bachok, Sudin, Red, Apal and Pecal) joined the team to coach the F1s.

We still have some issues with the F3s as we had to literally threaten and milk them to come down to the field, but the rest was OK. The next few trips to KK will have to be spent finding out and resolving the F3s issues, but apart from that all is set.


We also had the bonus of having the HM to witness how serious and disciplined the boys were. He was keen and was happy to see that we stick to our promise that we would bring Thorsten back from time to time.

But the single greatest pride that I had - was seeing the F4s coming together as a team. The punctuality, the single-mindedness, the sense of responsibility that on their shoulders is the future of MCKK hockey games - was our pride.

Training camp in a jungle always work. Always always work. What is daunting is organising a team building for 50+ kids at the end of the year in a jungle somewhere - and Wong is already excited at the prospect of torturing them.

But that's another story.

We shall see how much the training has had an impact on them (the debaters and Junior Duckies) in 3 weeks' time.

KNO's videos and photos here, also a guide on how to jump start a car here!