Monday, November 28, 2005

Reunion Chat

An excerpt from an online chat, between A, B and C (names disguised, although it's not that difficult to figure who is who) that led one thing to another:


A: laaa mcoba dinner
A: awat?
A: kau pergi ke?
B: xtau.. baru tau smalam masuk the star
B: siap selit pasal citer azahari
B: that pix yg ada 2 performers = budak koleq?
A: don't know
A: i read the e-mail version
B: x sangka ada gak bdk koleq yg support azahari
A: ha ha u can understand the emotion
A: u r either ignorant/hateful of islam, or u r too strong a moral high grounf guy
A: not to sympathise with azahari
B: i take the latter
B: hahahhaa
B: btw mpro maybe dtg
A: mpro dah confirm dtng laaa
A: dah bayar kat aku pun
B: caitz.. baru td die bagitau
B: rupenye confirm dah
A: cheh member dah siap volunteer nak tolong balik
A: aku definitely akan pakai short ngan tie
A: kau nak pakai apa ni?
B: huh?
B: giler ape..
B: bru bro
A: ha ha aku bra laa dulu
A: fun apa
A: though it cost me a bomb laa
A: ingat senang nak cari short my size nowadays ha ha
B: aku tau epit pakai putih gak
B: tapi bkn short a
B: aku pun camtuh gak kot
A: ha ha ok laa
B: woi.. kalau kite2 aje takpe gak..
A: so long as korang pakai smthing laa
B: nie bini2 member ada maa..
A: ala ada 2-3 orng bini je
A: kaki husband diorng buruk
B: aku xde seluar putih tapi..
A: baik tengok kaki aku
B: ada warna kuning2 skit..
B: boleh kot.. cakap aku pakai seluar bala
A: muahahahaha
A: aku kena quote tu ha ha
A: seluar short hitam terbelah kau tak de?
B: hahahhaha
A: kalau pakai baru betul kau ha ha
B: mau kena tahan before masuk hall
A: ha ha although make sure kaki shave laa
A: and jgn XXXXXX cakar sana sini
A: ha ha ha
B: ko giler ke mau save
B: pakai mesin potong rumput pun tokleh
C: sorry la, ade discussion jap tadi
C: ingatkan korang dah blah
A: ha ha ingat ke dah gi dating
A: C kau nak pakai apa?
C: pakai baju la
B: lawak sc 1
A: HA HA HA HA
B: wei duduk ikut dorm prep school ka..?
A: C kau dah memalukan sc1 dah
B: dorm d kedatangan memberangsangkan gak
A: mana boleh, nanti aku kena duduk ngan YYYYYY
A: duduk free seating laa
A: sapa nak duduk ngan PQPQPQ
A: ha ha PQPQPQ dorm d
A: ok set kita duduk pakai dorm
B: hahahha
B: sial
B: jap check mula
C: tp dorm mana satu?
C: masa mula2 masuk ke, masa dah ikut hse?
C: jap, masa mula2 la
B: ikut hse boring ler
B: masa prep school ler
C: ye la 2
B: warna biru dalam list mende?
C: camtu aku rasa dorm a sure fail la
C: mau aku sorang aje kot
B: wei ramai la
C: dah la aku tak bataq
A: yang ijau tu aku kena kejor
A: itu aku punya
B: dorm a sampai no baper?
C: e24
A: dorm a sampai e24
B: e60 pun A?
A: e60 dtng beb
A: ha ha yeap aku punya
A: aku fetish lemak2 ni
B: caya laa.. boleh katoq rokok
B: yaa.. A karib e66
C: takpe2, baru aku ingat muta ade
A: e66 sapa?
C: sure dia sorang bole abiskan 5-6 org punye ration
C: ahahahaha
B: ada 8 org dorm a C
A: ha ha ha
A: RRRRRR
A: aku terhutang sbb gulingkan dia dulu
C: alamak, RRRRRR pun ade
C: camni kene revise la
B: aku target nak spend some time ngan NSNSNS
C: kite free seating
B: x pernah ckp kat koleq
A: NSNSNS?
A: HA HA HA
A: macam sial laa
A: nanti laa aku make surekan korang duduk sebelah NSNSNS
A: aku ingat balak lama
B: hahaha..
B: farid syahril budak ahmad eh C?
C: B ko taste mcm MPRMPR dah ke?
A: ha ha ha
C: suka yg hitam manis
B: yg kecik2 gelap2 tuh?
C: ahahahahaha
A: mana ada kecik2 laa
A: ganja quite besar laaaa
C: die tinggi 7 kurus
A: unless u were referring to benda lain laa as kecik
A: ha ha ha
B: haaha
B: oo.. silap org..
B: ada sorang f4 baru gelap2 kecik2..
B: main bola goreng sampai hangus..
C: yg cakap laju nak mampus ke?
A: aik sapa ni?
B: haa.. betul C
A: lagi laa aku tak leh ingat
B: mcm india skit.. rambut itam kilat
A: descripton -> main bola
A: haram laa aku main bola
C: ko main bola sendiri aje
A: woi sapa ni
C: ahahaha
A: masa tu aku tak berapa main bola sendiri lagi
A: kat uk start ha ha
B: f5 ada orang mainkan eh A
A: ha ha ha
B: die buat bulu tangkis
A: YEAH BABY
A: betul B
A: ha ha ha
B: mcm MPRMPR afza buat jadi baton relay 4 x 100
A: ha ha aku tak baca the part on "buat bulu tangkis"
A: SIAL LA KAU B
B: hahahha
A: ha ha ha
A: so sapa budak f4 baru td?
A: bukan azli ke?
A: budak kelantan tu
C: aku rasa si farid 2 la yg budak cakap utara laju giler & goreng bola sampai hangus 2
B: azli putih
A: ye la tp farid @ ganja golap
A: and tinggi
B: betul
B: ada f4 baru nama syahril?
A: let me think
A: is it shahril syazli?
A: dia gelap
A: tak besar sngt
B: haaa.. die laa
A: rambut banyak minyak mcm hinudstan
B: hahahahha
B: spot on A
C: hahahaha
A: laaaa C tak guna kau
A: dia group kau laa masa f5
B: bagus skit la description ko A
B: aku cakap india terus
C: aku tau, die dok depan aku
C: sebelah azril
B: sial.. aku kehilangan ganja
A: ha ha kau memang jahat
B: tadi aku picture ganja = lone
A: kalau tak jambu sikit je
A: memang description x lawa
C: bak kata MPRMPR, beauty is 2 d eye of d beholder
C: ahahahaha
C: if not, masa kan afza jadi rebutan
B: yaa.. mau tgk bini PQPQPQ
B: mesti in previous life minah tuh buat dosa besar
C: bile PQPQPQ kawin?
A: ha ha kau jahat giler laa B
A: although i couldnt agree more
A: ni sure anak beranak raja siam
A: have sex ngan sibling
A: sbb tu dilahirkan jadi bini PQPQPQ
B: hahahahha
B: eh masa reunion dulu.. picca x kahwin lagi kan?
A: pica memng tak kahwin lagi
A: apsal nak buat bini no 2 ke?
B: abih apsal ada spouse?
B: ke gf?
C: gf la 2
A: bila pulak pica ada spouse?
A: tak ingat pun
A: ke dia serious when he said dia nak bawak brother
A: sebb back to school
B: akram othman spouse = Y
A: bawak brader laaa
B: total 2
C: sial
B: ke ashraff othman nih?
A: ha ha tak kot
C: baru aku nak sebut
A: tu nanti dilahrikan jadi anak PQPQPQ lak
A: ha ha main jambu ngan abg sendiri
C: incestual relationship
A: selamba je kutuk
B: urkk..
B: just imagine sense of humour anak diorang
A: anak sapa?
A: PQPQPQ or picca
A: or picca + ashraf osman?
B: (if they can produce children in the first place la)
A: ke anak C + NZNZNZ?
B: othman A..
A: ha ha ha
B: osman exclusive untuk pyan aje
A: anak sapa? anak othman ke?
A: sbb joke picca and ashraf dua2 boleh laa tahan
C: anak2 othman
C: ahahaha
A: tahap ke bell an ha ha
B: hahahha
B: mcm novel hardy boys...
B: anak2 othman
A: MUAHAHA HA
A: ada gaya laaa
B: komik paling tak lawak abad ini
A: rambut dah mcm tu
A: cuma tak blonde je
A: woit aku baca laa masa kecik2 dulu
A: hardy boys n nancy drew
A: in fact siap tngk cerita lagi ha ha
B: hardy boys mmg ok
B: komik anak2 othman tuh
B: tho ko bace nancy drew A?
C: masa 2 A tgh identity crisis
C: ahaha
A: aik salah ke baca nancy drew?
B: hahhahaha
C: aku nak solat dulu
C: jamak takyah
A: yeap tengah consider nak chop off penis altogether dulu
C: so korang teruskan la ngutuk ye
A: jimak je laa terus
C: ahahaha
B: hahahhaha
B: jom C solat jemaah jarak jauh
B: aku pun nak solat
A: jgn jimak ngan tangan jgn C
B: later
A: ok laa later
B: aku calos dulu..
A: okay
B: see ya guys later
A: aku sampai mlm kot
A: c u guys l8er laa
A: shave kaki
B: just read on singapore sexpo
A: ha ha apsal lak?
A: kau nak gi ke?
B: die kate the most sensitive male bodyparts is the ridges somewhere at the scrotum
B: so wanna test whether it is true or not tonite..
A: which ridges?
B: so u continue whatever ur doing now, and i will do just dat..
A: lepas tu kau kena bagi specific location
B: aku rase line vertical kat telur tuh
A: yeah right
A: langsung tak sensitive laaa
B: hahahahaaha
A: quite an expert u c
B: dgn confidentnye A menjawab
A: dah try pun sekarang
A: in office
B: wahahhahahahahahhahahaha
A: tak sensitive pun
B: hahahah
B: cam sial..
A: kau balik laa experiment
B: ok lah.. later
A: aku tak convince
A: ok later
A: aku bet 10 rm kau tak successful
A: kena gelak kat XXXXX ada
C: siut aje
C: sempat lg buat eksperimen kat ofis 2

Sunday, November 20, 2005

Profil Pelajar MCKK

From my last visit to the alma mater, I have this sinking feeling that the school (by this I mean people who are running the school) is going out of her way to redefine what constitutes a budak koleq.

The identity of college boys which was so much based on subtlety and quiet understanding that markedly makes us different, is quickly eroding. I have resigned to the fact that it’s very difficult to make non-budak koleq understands what is it that makes budak koleq a budak koleq – and for example why writing “Pengawas Pusat Sumber” on a Malay College tie, or why sewing a big college’s crest on the maroon blazer is an abomination of what Malay College is all about.

We don’t need signage or big label in white on our tie or blazer to tell who we are. A small green badge or red badge is enough to tell that one is a prefect or biawak – subtlety is a form of mannerism that we guarded firmly in our conducts as budak koleq. We were taught to be confident and to take pride in that confidence and therefore, we do not need to differentiate ourselves with what we wear, but more with how we behave. I learnt many things from Malay College, but self-publicity was not one of them!

(Anyway I don’t intend this rambling to be of high philosophical value, so let’s cut the crap and go straight to the point)

Nowadays if you happen to be around the Foyer, instead of the usual whiteboard with announcements and roster of wardens and prefects on duty, you will find a cheap looking plastic board, almost similar to the ugly ones you find in Hargreaves Hall (which replaced the classic and valuable wooden panel – God our administrators just do not know how to value history and arts!) – that lists down the so-called “Profil Pelajar MCKK”.


I have decided to come up with a simple checklist with ratings and indicators to see whether I, who had left the school more than a decade ago, fit to be a Malay College student today:

Putera MCKK segak bersopan
- 10 points if you were a jambu back then
- Minus 5 points if during your stay at Prep School, you ever received a confinement (or more) on charges of being “selebet”
- Minus 50 points if you ever chased the teachers with parang or any similar dangerous weapons
- 20 points if you ever had an affair (non-physical affair) with a lady teacher or any adult women from Kuala Kangsar, including member of the canteen’s staff

Sentiasa mara menuju kegemilangan
- 10 points if you were in the top 10% of your class
- Minus 5 points if you skive your Sukantara events by climbing into someone’s cube to sleep
- Minus 20 points if you spend too much time with special someone, or your classmates, or your dorm mates that you only started revising 2 months before SPM
- 50 points if you achieve 12As or more in any exams

Ilmu dituntut tiada sempadan
- 10 points if you took more than the mandatory 9 subjects in SPM and scored As in all of them
- Minus 5 points if you are one of those who slept more in the library than on your own bed (during school hours, afternoon prep and evening prep)
- 10 points if you attend extra classes/tuitions during the afternoon and night preps
- Minus 20 points if you did not get 8As in PMR

Pada Ilahi dipohon keredaan
- Minus 10 points if you sodom (that is sembahyang-dalam-dorm) when you were in F4 or F5
- Minus 20 points if you go to Masjid Ridzwaniah on early Saturday morning for Subuh prayers with the intention of dating your “brother” and buying him “putu mayam”
- Minus 30 points if you “abused” the cubes (or climbed into someone else’s cube) to skive Friday prayers
- Minus 50 points if you did not get A1 for your Pendidikan Islam in SPM despite the fact that you were one of the BRU (or its successor BANI) Excos

Well you get the drift.

Half way through of developing the checklist, I decided to take a go to see whether I fit (no point doing the whole checklist if I don’t pass through the first paragraph ha ha):

Putera MCKK segak bersopan: 0 point
Sentiasa mara menuju kegemilangan: (10 – 5 – 20) = -15 points
Ilmu dituntut tiada sempadan: -5 points
Pada Ilahi dipohon keredaan: (-10 – 20 – 50) = -80 points
Total so far: -100 points


Compared to the standards that I have in mind (and based on what is expected of budak koleq nowadays):

> 100 points : Congratulations! You are our perfect Malay Collegian of the new millennium

50 – 99 points : You will still pass a first cut scrutiny but you will be a nobody in college because you do not possess the majority of the criteria required

0 – 49 points : The only reason you are here in Malay College is either your dad is a big shot in MCOBA or he has powerful friends in the government, otherwise you do not even fit to be in our Detention Class

< 0 point: You are a scum bag that put the whole school at risk and your kind of people will just create more problems to us, grow up to become a loser and should not even be allowed to go to any school for that matter. You will become like that Dr Azahari*, or Hishamuddin Rais!


Oh well…. I guess our education system, not just the Malay College, is so messed up that if we were to go through the school system now, there will be a big mark on our forehead – “problematic child, untalented etc. etc.” because we just do not fit the expectation and focus of the present system.

If you don’t have anything to do and is a loser like moi by today’s expectation of a good student, do have a go at the test to see whether you even deserve to be in the Detention Class ha ha.

PS: No disrespect to Allahyarham

Thursday, November 17, 2005

Back To School: Reunion Dinner

The flyer is out, please pay either by cash or bank into the 3 Stooges' accounts. Deadline to pay is Friday next week.

Hafiznizam Hashim, Maybank, 155014945552
Affendi Rashdi, Maybank, 164155481100
Mohd Rafizi Ramli, BCB, 13050030895527

Monday, November 14, 2005

MCOBA Annual Dinner 2005

Dear Sir,

MCOBA is having its Royal Gala Dinner (i.e. the Annual Dinner) on November 26, 2005 at the Kuala Lumpur Convention Centre. This year's event is to mark the closing of MCKK's centenary celebrations, and to celebrate MCKK's reaffirmed patronage under the Council of Malay Rulers. The Agong and Rulers from all States will be attending.

Tables for the Royal Gala Dinner are still available for sale at RM3,000.00 for a table of 12, or RM250 per seat. Proceeds from table sales will go directly to MCOBA to fund MCOBA activities next year.

Let's show up in full force! If you haven't purchased a table yet, do so now. As it is the 100th anniversary of the College, it would be great if every batch could take up at least one table and be represented during the Royal Gala Dinner.

To purchase a table, please call MCOBA at 03-2274 6306 and ask for Hafizi/ Suraya/ Azhar Ariff.


Thank you.

Yours truly,
AZHAR ARIFF (Ja'a)


Ha ha any takers? Yet again this batch is not going to be represented ha ha, although I doubt people will even notice our absence, since we were never present for people to take notice of us in the first place.

PS:

Because of the coming Reunion Dinner, I have been calling so many people, especially those who are in our MIA list. Tonight I called one of the most celebrated MIA-ers - the kind of cold treatment I was subjected to was beyond my expectation or comprehension. I took that as a war declaration - so I'll reserve all the things I have to say about this to a later date when I have ample time to bitch as much as possible.

I simply don't tolerate ill manners, so if they think they can be rude to me - you pick up the wrong guy ha ha. Watch this space, I am going to summon all the dark sides for this.

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Rain Drops Keep Falling On My Head (and some bird's poo poo too)

Rain drops keep falling on my head,
But that doesn't mean my eyes,
Will soon be turning red,
Crying not for me,
Cause I am never going to stop,
The rain by complaining

So I did just some talking to the sun,
And I said I didn't like the way,
He got the things done,
Sleeping on the job,
Those raindrops are falling on my head,
They keep falling

But there is one thing I know,
The blues that they send to meet me won't defeat me,
It won't be long till happiness steps up to greet me

Raindrops are falling on my head
And just like the guy,
Whose feet are too big for his bed,
Nothing seems to fit,
Those raindrops are falling on my head,
They keep falling

But I am free,
Nothing's worrying me,
It won't be long till happiness steps up to greet me

Rain drops keep falling on my head,
But that doesn't mean my eyes,
Will soon be turning red,
Crying not for me,
Cause I am never going to stop,
The rain by complaining

Because I am free,
Nothing's worrying me

PS:
Opt for Ben Folds Five's live version, it's much better.

PPS:
You'd be thinking about getting soaked in the rain too when you have to bloody stay in office till the wee hours on the first day of coming back to office after Raya holidays. What shit did I do in my previous life that I deserve this in this life, even Count Dracula is being punished as George Bush Jr (uglier, more coward and certainly a lot less intelligent), so I must be someone worse than Dracula in the previous life.

PPPS:
The headcount is 70+ now. Should be able to breach 100 by end of next week - to the goons who have not confirmed please contact Epit or Badut.