Tribute To A Friend

Ben and I in Cambridge in 1995 during the healthier days

I came back from Kota Tinggi crushed and devastated in all respects. As I ponder what to do next, naturally I turn to the one person without whom I would never have done many things I had in the last 17 years.

I have not spoken to Ben for a very long time, somehow we grew apart these last few years. He and his illnesses and me and my hectic schedule; and my insistence to pursue what I wanted – even if it was not in alignment to what we had always talked about way back in school and colleges; made us see and talk to each other less.

I used to chat with Ben regularly since I was 14. He used to write from Oxfordshire and Cambridge regularly when I was in college and I remember how I proudly displayed the letters on my desk under the plastic sheet, knowing it would be an envy to those who care. Each time he came back from the UK, I would be among the first one to call Kampung Tunku. We would chat and for hours I would be standing at the phone booth – when my telephone card ran out of its credit he would call me back. I used to write to him regularly too sharing every little update of events in koleq.

Such was our friendship that even when I was offered an Esso scholarship to the US before I sat for my SPM – my preoccupation was to find another scholarship to go to the UK; which eventually I managed to get.

On the second day I was in the UK, he took me for a dinner with Sdr Akramsyah Tan Sri Sanusi at Khan’s in London. I remember that night vividly – Akram was reading Mein Kampf and both were in the process of formalizing UKEC; Akram repeatedly asked many questions to gauge how “worthy” I was to be regarded so highly by Ben. Many times I was given the impression that I was not worthy of all the praises Ben had showered me.

I had to put up with that so many times with Ben’s circle of friends because of the high respect the people who knew him gave to him, so naturally they expected someone as larger than life to fit in the shoes laid ready for me. Ben would bring me to all his meetings and appointments; I would sit quietly at one corner with eyes looking at me weighing and judging. There was one night in his room in Cambridge that I broke down, because at 18 years old I just could not understand what the fuss was all about and why I was subjected to so much scrutiny; when all I wanted was to be left alone.

As cliché as it sounds, I was told that some of us do not have the leisure to live a casual life at the pace we wanted like the rest – because there were things given to us that others didn’t have. That night I came to realize many things that defined who I am as a person today.

Then came 1998 and we made choices. The choices we made had the largest impact on Ben so I had no right to talk about how 1998 turned my life upside down. I never regretted a single day the choices I made in 1998 onwards and I am sure neither would Ben. However along the way some parts of our ideals died with it.

So when I was restless and could not reconcile the turn of events at Kota Tinggi; I sent this SMS to Ben:

“Hi Ben. Thought of buying you dinner tonight. I missed the days when we chatted the night away it feels age ago. I could use a friend now”.

I found out later that he was in hospital – not that I was alarmed so much because going in and out of hospital is his routine nowadays.

But to actually saw him on the bed with breathing assistance, wired all over his hand for IV and blood and all the other physical deteriorations – I felt really sad. Here is a person whose genius and intelligence I have not found any match so far for his generation (and maybe other generations too), yet he is so beaten and broken by his illness. When I found out the real illness and diagnosis, I could not hide the tears.

But Ben being Ben, put on a brave face despite sometimes having difficulty to breath and we chatted away – sometimes with tears flowing unconsciously on my part. Even at his low point, Ben would have put aside everything to lend an ear and it made me felt so guilty that I had to bother him for something as trivial.

Ben had always been around throughout my life. There was a period in summer 2000 that I was at the lowest point of my life – he made a point to drop by in London occasionally in the middle of his business trips to buy me food and brought me out to watch movies; at a time when I couldn’t afford a movie struggling with low pay, high living cost and battered emotionally. There was a time he even paid my rent when I was short of cash.

Looking at him last weekend, I wonder whether I had been by his side as loyally as he has for me, especially during the periods he was fighting the illnesses. I don’t think I had – and that put things into perspective as the learner always took the learned for granted. He told me that with everything in life people grow old and someday we just have to let go – I guess there was a time that Ben too realized that I had grown up and was no longer the small F1 debater that he discovered in 1990; and he graciously let me go.

All this put things in perspective as I ponder many things that are weighing heavily on my mind.

Ben once wrote to me in 1992 this poem that had since become a standard banner for the MCKK debating team:

Long ago I shot my bow
Where it fell I didn’t know
Much later in a huge great oak
I picked it up still unbroke

Ku layangkan panah ku ke udara
Hilangnya jatuh entah ke mana
Nun jauh di kebun getah
Bila ku ambil tak jua patah

We have always been told to become that arrow that travels far to vanquish the enemies; that arrow which remains intact at the end of a battle.

If there is an arrow that fits the bill, it would have been him. I am sure he will prevail in this illness and remains intact at the end of it. Even if it doesn’t, Ben nonchalantly told me that he doesn’t have a single regret because he had lived an extra-ordinary life to the fullest.

Because he is extra-ordinary and those who know him would have agreed with me.

Untitled

There will be no blogging on PPM this year, a moratorium which I shall observe.

1) English lost to STAR at semi (we have defeated them 3 times this year in all 3 matches but voila)

* this is not considered blogging, but an update of the results he he

2) BM lost to SASER at quarter, the latter eventually lost to SAINA; a school which we have beaten in every single debate we had with them in the last 2 years (but never fail to go to PPM final)

So what's new?

It's a jaguh kampung competition, kan Haqqa?

So I would appreciate if I am left alone and please do not SMS me, call me or email me to find out what has happened - please refer back to previous years' blogging or commentaries because it's the same thing. Not only you will just get a recycled piece, you can get an earful of shouting and rage too.

Now I want to stuff myself so much till I become so fat I get a disability allowance!

Haqqa Class of 2006: "Students get the feel of debating in public"

From The Star (Sdr. Farquar Haqqani is the Captain of MCKK English Debating Team 2005 - 2006 and one of the members of the Malaysian team):

KUALA LUMPUR: Shoppers at Berjaya Times Square learned something about free trade as they listened to students debate the topic.

The students, champions of the English-Speaking Union of Malaysia (ESUM) and The Star World Schools Debating Championships 2007 Malaysian leg, battled out on the motion “Free Trade Harms the Developing World”.


Team coach Jagjeet Singh said that having a debate in a public place served as preparation for their World Schools Debating Championships 2007 in Seoul from July 2 to 12.

“We expect to debate in public places in South Korea, so we need to gain some experience debating in public.

“Moreover, it can help bring out the courage and confidence in the debaters.

“The public can gain more understanding of world issues and what better than from the voices of the younger generation,” she said.

Ang Jian Wei, Lee Zhi Wei and Andrew Wong Yoon Loong, all 18, were on the “government” side that supported the motion while John Lee, Farquar Haqqani, both 18, and 17-year-old Shamala Rajalingam made up the opposition.

Jagjeet Singh, who is also an international adjudicator, was the chairman for the debate that drew in a small crowd at the lower ground concourse area and the upper floors.

At the end of the debate, the stage was offered to the members of the floor to come up and give their opinions for the team to respond.

“The audience's participation was fantastic. The ones that came up have very good responses and raised very interesting angles,” she said, adding that another debate would be held next month at another shopping complex.

Ang said debating in public was quite exciting adding that they usually debated in halls without any public participation.

“It was exhilarating, and the view of the public was of paramount importance to us. What they see can be different from what we see,” Ang added.

Original news

Pak Sako and Malay College

I have been having a mental/writer's block for the last assignment that I have to write before I am due to move on. I have been sitting in front of this PC for weeks thinking where to start. I have all the frameworks, data etc. gathered - I just can't seem to start. I will not miss this part of my job when I move on soon.

Anyway, I came across this on Pak Sako:

Ishak the son of Haji Muhammad was born in Kampung Sagantung, Temerloh, in Pahang, the largest state in the West Malaysian peninsula, in 1910. After an initial education in Malay, he proceeded to an English medium school in Bentong and finally to the elitist Malay College in Kuala Kangsar where he passed the Senior Cambridge exam in 1929. His heroes at school included the Knights of the Round Table, Richard the Lion Heart, William the Conqueror, Lord Nelson, King Canute, the Vikings, the Trojan Horse, Theseus, Perseus, Julius Caeser and so on. Somewhere in the background were, however, the more obscure Mat Gajah, Bahaman, Mat Kilau, Tok Janggut and Tuan Haji Abdul Rahman Limbong, heroes of the resistance in Pahang in the early part of the century to the imposition of British rule on that state (Ishak Haji Muhammad 1976: 23).

Malay College prepared gentlemen for the Malayan Administrative Service. Ishak was soon appointed as a Malay cadet to the District Office in Temerloh, becoming Assistant District Officer in Bentong, Pahang, in 1931. Following service in the state of Negeri Sembilan, he was appointed a Third Class Magistrate in Kuala Lumpur in 1932. Finding civil service life artificial, discriminatory and not in the interest of the Malay community whom the British claimed to be "protecting," Ishak resigned his post in 1934. After a period spent wandering through the Peninsula, he then turned to journalism, nationalist politics (for which he was imprisoned from 1948 to 1953 and again from 1965 to 1966), and the writing of novels and short stories. His first novel, Putera Gunung Tahan (The Prince of Mount Tahan), was published in 1937; his second, Anak Mat Lela Gila (The Son of Mad Mat), in 1941. Others followed throughout the fifties and early sixties, without attaining either the success or prestige of these initial works. Affectionately known as Pak Sako (from the Japanese Isako-san), Ishak Haji Muhammad passed away in November 1991 (biographical details: Li Chuan Siu 1966: 229-239).

Shit! Pak Sako was alive when we were in koleq and nobody ever bothered to tell us? Why didn't we have a Pak Sako Day back then? With a benefit of hindsight, I would have loved to meet him in person!

Talk to any MCKK old boys and he most probably will blurt out a long list of alumni that he so adored, beginning with Tun Razak. Most of them will undoubtedly begin with Tun Razak - natural I guess because he was the only Prime Minister to have been produced by MCKK.

I have always admired the OTHER two great names coming out of MCKK - Allahyarham Dato' Onn and Pak Sako. Maybe their stories were more romantic (and tragic to a large extent that made me sympathise with them more).

But no it's not so much of the romantic element - it's the bit where they stood up for what they thought was right (whether or not the rest agreed with them). And paid the price. Both could have achieved the pinnacle of their career; both could have become Prime Ministers after all they were there before others - but they abandoned the lure of worldly positions and material gains for reasons (well at least that's what I want to believe).

And it's a pity that although we have these two giants in our midst all this while, we paid little attention to them. Ask any of the present boys I am sure they don't know who is Pak Sako. I am sure they've never heard of Putera Gunung Tahan or Anak Mat Lela Gila.

And what a pity.

Is it not that the values upheld by them are the very values we believed we learnt from Malay College? If so, both Dato' Onn and Pak Sako should be at the lips of every MCKK boy - not for setting up UMNO, not for being a leftist nationalist; but for living the values of MCKK; of standing for what is right; of the responsibility we owed to the nation and the people; of the sacrifice required of a leadership.

But Pak Sako and Dato' Onn are not just forgotten by Malay College, to a large extent by the nation as a whole. And we are celebrating 50th anniversary of the so-called independence.

Dengan semangat yang berkobar-kobar, I am going to get the boys we look after to know and read about Pak Sako! Hah! That's the least we could do for Pak Sako and Dato' Onn.

So boys, if you are reading this - better get acquainted to Pak Sako and Dato' Onn.

ps: My writer's block is still there
pps: Sessi Itik Pulang Petang minggu ini in 2 hours' time
ppps: Please don't start a bet that this "Pak Sako" thing is "hot hot chicken shit"

The Longest 9 Minutes

The Junior Duckies (our own lingo referring to the MCKK Hockey Team) was in the SBP North Zone U-16 tournament from last Thursday to Sunday in Sungai Petani. We made a promise in March (well me and my mulut capoi made that promise in TAR Hall actually, which made all the old boys’ head turned and I could see fire in their eyes waiting to devour me) that we will try our best to be with them for each of their game – so we had to honour it.

For the first day, Epit, Badut and I left early in the morning before Subuh and sped to Sungai Petani. As always, at 160 kmph we would be there before the boys. On top of that, the boys were delayed because they had to sort out their exam papers, which had to be brought to Sungai Petani for them to take at night after the games.

From the beginning, there were mixed feelings. I am so used to a team which knows exactly what I want, which is nearly perfect in ever sense that there’s very little I have to do to make things tick. So when I could not even break down the wall of communication with most of them, it was very frustrating – my very own confession that I, who is known to be able to start a conversation even with an Indonesian cleaner I meet at a public toilet; cannot break the wall with the kids. Of course there were two or three people who had already warmed up to us and it was natural with them; but with the rest – many times I felt like talking to a wall and I made a complete fool of myself trying to start a conversation; after all that department was my and Epit’s responsibility.

But we told ourselves to be patient, because it will take longer than 3 months and we (the kids and us) have to go through pain and joy together before we can feel we are a team.

So we brushed it off and concentrated for the first game in the evening, against STAR.

The Draw Champion

The game with STAR started off well. We controlled the game, it was rather well played (at least in the eyes of a spectator like me) and we kept on attacking. You could feel the opponent’s (which earlier boasted loudly that they would thrash us 3-0) fear and nervousness defending against attack after attack. But that was it – it was just a series of continuous attacks which were not converted into goals.

We had to drive back that night so we had to rely on the boys to “hold the fort” (so to speak) until we can return on Saturday morning.

The next game was against SBPI Gopeng; which having watched their first game on Thursday, we thought it should be an easy win. It could have been an easy play as related to Cikgu Badri to us – but it was another goalless draw.

I guess panic began to set in, especially when one of the key players could not stand the jeering (we’ll get into that later) he boxed the tiang gol and broke a few bones in the process. Worse, the next game was against SERATAS, the top seed for the tournament. We needed to win or draw to have a chance into the knock out round.

I was in a meeting at the highest office level in Malaysia (I think) discussing business turnaround plans; Badut and KNO were teaching and Epit (ntah dia buat apa) when the news broke out that they drew again 0-0; that drew a sigh of relief (and disappointment as we thought they could actually beat SERATAS). So 3 games; 3 goalless draws. Panic really began to set in.

We had to win both the next 2 matches to qualify for the knock out rounds. It should be OK as we were up against SBPI Kubang Pasu and Syed Putra; which in previous games did not fare as good as us. STAR (the closest to beat us into the knock out rounds) won 3-0 with SBPI Kubang Pasu, so if we were to have any chance we need to beat them by even a bigger margin than that.

I initially thought that I didn’t want to go as I have not been around for the weekends since early March and I needed a break before PPM in 2 weeks’ time – but seeing how things have turned from bad to worse, I thought the boys would need every single support they could count on, considering the amount of jeering they had to go through.

So at 2.30 am Saturday morning, we drove to Sungai Petani all over again.

We arrived early, the boys were quite upbeat and after a few words of advice from KNO and Canoe, it was Idzam’s and my turn for some “last boost” (to quote nomenclature from the monthly batch usrah). We told the boys that for each goal they scored, they earned RM10 – so go and score as many goals as possible.

Which worked, and they scored 5-0 against Kubang Pasu, the highest score in a single game for the tournament.

But we were not totally out of the deep end yet, as our path to the knock out rounds depends on the outcome of the game between STAR and SERATAS. If they drew, we needed to win the next game and it would come down to the number of goals. If SERATAS lost, well we are practically out – provided STAR won their next game.

So the old boys with their battered and seasoned hearts; were left to watch the game while the boys, in their jubilation – went back to rest. To cut the long story short, because there were a few games before the match between STAR and SERATAS started; we went for a drink.

By the time we came back, both teams were on the field doing the brotherhood shout and 9 minutes later, it was a goalless draw. Our battered hearts took another beating and my life was cut short by another one week – since now the boys had to win and win big to qualify (and we know our boys don’t operate well under pressure). Luckily there was an announcement after that – SERATAS won 1-0. Ghupa-ghupanya we missed the first half so the goalless draw was only for the second half.

We bluffed the kids a bit and they got worked up and tensed thinking they had to win big against Syed Putra, only to laugh when they found out that the path was cleared for them.

So off they went for the final group match against Syed Putra under the scorching sun (which my colleague just enquired whether I went for a sun-bathing just now!). I spare you the commentaries (and agony) but they drew again NIL-NIL. Throughout the game the whole STAR contingent was jeering (more on that later) that when the siren went on air, STAR was jumping up and down as if they had won.

What was our feeling then? Difficult to say; but the hearts were not in good conditions. That draw against Syed Putra, meant we had to wait for the game between STAR and SBPI Gopeng to conclude before we know whether we were through. And we would be leaving it too much to fate, because Gopeng was definitely out so they could just fix the game to allow STAR, not us to proceed.

The Longest 9 Minutes

So the game started. Our boys were still down and did not react much to what was happening on the field.

But not us.

We thought it was time to return the “favour” to STAR who were jeering against us at each of our game and had cost us one player (well, out of his own mistake though). The five of us – myself, KNO, Canoe, Idzam and Syed Asrul; the borois and pak ciks2 by standard at the grand stand – proved to be a much more formidable cheering squad than all others; for SBPI Gopeng!

For the first time in my life, I actually cheered for other schools! Not just cheered, but cheering so loud I lost half of my voice capacity at the end of it. Our voices drowned all other cheering squad and that game was the most heated game of the tournament. In fact, SBPI Gopeng boys were astonished to see complete strangers rooting out for them. They picked up the fighting spirit and actually attempted a few dangerous attacks.

But the last 9 minutes (it’s a 9 min-2 min-9 min game) were the longest 9 minutes I could recall. We were cheering “SIREN SIREN” but it did not come about.

The game went on and there were a few attacks by STAR which nearly became a goal (and cut our life by one week shorter!).

Suddenly out of nowhere, there was azzan for Asar and a rather low siren sound – which created a confusion. Was the siren meant for a break to respect azzan, or was the game over. To make things worse, there was no announcement at the end of the winner. So while we were smiling and cheering, we had to wait another 10 minutes to confirm with the organiser that the game was indeed over and we were through to the semi final.

I wish we did not go through that longest 9 minutes, but ironically it was the best part of the tournament (and it was not even our game!)

They Just Have To Do This To Our Hearts

So Saturday ended with joy and one of the best cheering I’ve ever had. Pak Tuan (Mighty Ducks Wilayah Utara) drove us all the way to Tanjung Dawai, for a sumptuous dinner of ikan bakar, sotong and really nice watermelon juice.

20 kg heavier, we went back and rested for the following day – the most important game at semi final to determine whether we are through for the national level in Kuantan in July.

We went against SEMESTI and the game was good, both sides putting up a good fight. Being the Raja Seri of the tournament, as expected they drew again (0-0) and all of us began clutching our hearts! It was another round of heart attacks; because it would then boil down to penalty flick.

We were laughing that they (the boys) just refused to have an easy and clean path to the final just for the sake of playing around with our hearts.

Canoe and Idzam were confident all along that Afiq (the keeper) would just do it, I was not that optimistic.

Afiq saved both attempts. The first one was not really challenging as SEMESTI hit directly to his chest. But the second save was the save of the tournament; the ball flew nicely to the right uppermost corner of the goal but with a touch of the stick, it was deflected.

So the boys went to the final and despite the constant beating, we survived the tournament without anyone being carted off to a hospital for cardiac arrest.

As for the final; well we lost to a better team. SERATAS had played well throughout the tournament and deserved to be the champion, we can only look at their players and aspire that our boys will be better than them in one or two years’ time. But both koleq and SERATAS played good game and good sportsmanship that it always felt OK to lose to the better team.

MCKO Kopi O

I discovered that STAR actually has a special jeering song for koleq! It was well practiced, well coordinated – it was as if they included this jeering song as one of the compulsory cheering songs to be practiced.

It was this song that they used over and over again to jeer koleq each time we played. It goes something like this … “MCKO MCKO Kopi O blab la bla” which escaped my already near deaf hearing. But I did capture it on tape and will pass to KNO to upload to YouTube ha ha.

On top of that, there’s the usual “MC Balik Kuale”, “MC Gay Gay” etc. coming from their camp.

On one hand we were smiling and felt honoured that a school had to come up with a special cheering song for us – yet on the other hand, I felt saddened as I thought STAR should know better what it felt being ostracised and always being boo-ed or jeered; them being a premier school themselves. I also thought that it was not so much the fault of the boys, but the adults among them (old boys, teachers) who encouraged the jeering and did not teach the boys that what goes around comes around.

And that’s exactly what happened when they were up against Gopeng – we told ourselves that we would cheer so hard for Gopeng to rouse their spirit; but made it clear to everyone on our bench never to jeer STAR. And it worked – without the intense cheering for Gopeng, the results could have been different.

But the whole episode also revealed how not mentally prepared our boys were. From day 1 on Thursday, we told them to expect nothing but jeering. We told them we should not get affected but to take it in our stride. We told them to act decently and never to jeer an opposite team.

While most of the orders were obeyed, one (not to be affected by the jeering) was not. And it nearly cost us the ticket to the national level.

Of Constant Struggle

We are quite used to be feared when we go to tournament. Whether we win or not is secondary, but other schools would prefer not to see us – on the field or in the debating room. That is what being Malay College is all about.

But the tournament was slightly different. It was a struggle all along to even qualify for the national level. Many times our hearts stopped beating altogether, because we were so close to being pushed out of the tournament.

The mental fear that our boys had to battle when facing SERATAS – “cuak” in the current teenagers’ lingo; explained the standard and level we are now.

It’s a long way to go. There’s so much work to do. There are so many obstacles to overcome – from the boys themselves, our own constraints, time, money, resources, administrative, conflicting academic and co curricular interest etc. You name it, it’s all there.

Sometimes I wonder whether we are going to be there to make a clean exit. The exit strategy gets blurry as the days pass by.

But we would want our boys to be admired and feared from afar once again. Now that the hockey tournament is an annual national tournament just life PHT for the Cagers, the chance to recreate that reputation should not be missed. Only time can tell.

THANK YOU

- first and foremost to Cikgu Badri, who bonded with us the first instance we meet; who understands the boys the way a Malay College teacher should
- the wives, girl friends and children; for understanding that daddy has to leave at 2.30 am to be around for an MCKK team 400 km away
- Pak Tuan (Syed Asrul) who were there from day 1 for the boys and us; and for that treat at “Mai Singgah Oi” in Tanjung Dawai
- Sheppe who came and meminjamkan jeritan emasnya for koleq
- Epit’s family for the lunch on Thursday
- The boys for surviving another day to fight another battle; for teaching us the meaning of life and adulthood
- SBPI Gopeng and SERATAS, for the sheer sportsmanship despite the temptation

Let’s hope Kuantan in July will not be as breath-taking.

Photos here and videos will come later