An Encounter

This week has been a tracing of the passing years that went missing.

I was quite shocked (and alarmed) when I saw 'A's photo in one of the batch's meating (for durian no less). Shocked because it came unannounced, alarmed because I thought a certain earth shattering event could have happened in the batch that had escaped my radar (and that was just unacceptable, to a control freak).

Weeks passed on and busy with all the other things that take too much of my time (unnecessarily and unproductively, I may say!), it slipped my mind again. This is akin to Saruman's stirring troubles in the wood or the Nazgul's venturing out beyond Mordor that had escaped the attention of every Elf there was (OK, a bit of exaggeration but I am really struggling with any write up lately).

Anyway, one fine day (because I was at home watching TV with the other half on a quiet and airy Sunday, that's a treasure in my dictionary) I got an SMS from Fadli of A's impending operation to remove a tumour embedded deeply below his brain.

I have to admit I went instantaneously into a panic mode. Previously, I did not handle well the death of the two people who meant a lot to me; so while A has been a distant memory of the lost years, he was extremely fundamental to everything I held dear when I was a teenager. Instantaneously too, I felt I had abandoned him in times when he needed support, if only I persisted a bit more it could have been different.

So I asked for A's cell no from Fadli and sent him a long SMS. I waited for an hour and no reply, so I slid further into the panic mode. A could have decided not to see anyone, in the same way arwah Ben cut himself off the world in his final weeks, contemplating of the life that he had had (or so I told myself).

I readied myself for the worst disappointment and called A.

It was exactly the same voice, exactly the same manner of speaking, exactly the same feeble attempt to make jokes that had endeared him to me almost 20 years ago. He never changed a bit and he had always managed to take the lighter side of life - in fact when we were trying to set the lunch appointment to catch up after almost 17 years, I told him he should decide the time and place since I am unemployed so I have a plenty of time to go anywhere. As a matter of reflex, he said "take it from me, it can get boring after some years" ha ha.

We met the next day.

He must have been amused looking at how fat I am and how he had kept exactly the same size, with the same hairstyle (plus the uban kah3) while I am barely keeping whatever I have left up there.

And then he explained, going from A to Z. There were times when I interjected and derailed the conversation from the meticulous chronological explanation that he had set to complete. Each time, he would tell me that he had to go through all so that I could get the full understanding (his subtle way of telling me off to keep focus on the discussion).

And so I listened.

What amazed me was not really that we could be sitting as if nothing had happened for the last 20 years and talked as if we were still the 17 year old we were (of course, we sound a lot more complicated and miserable nowadays), it was the confirmation that I had liked and loved the chap since day 1 he came to MCKK and nothing had changed a bit despite the 20-year gap in between us.

It amazed me that he is exactly the same methodical person that sweated it out when our rekacipta projek did not work at all because the circuit must have been wired wrongly (we were doing some kind of electronic railing and to be frank, Pejal failed big time as the mechanical engineer because it was his mechanical bit that did not work. Fadli did not do too badly putting up pretty face all the time, or so he thought). So methodical that he still is, when we were discussing about what lies ahead for him after the operation, he still sees things from a checklist viewpoint.

I could have soured his view of the world a bit with my cynicism of the society, to which he retorted of the difficulty to engage in a conversation when he is so full of energy and positive outlook about life and I am full of negativity and cynicism.

The truth is, he has always been full of energy and looked positively at any encumbrances in life. It is the innocence of a can-do attitude that would have made A the darling of anyone who became close to him.

And I am glad he never changed a bit and he persevered when everything in this world (including me) looked the other way around. He believed that he was right and though it may took a bit longer to come to a closure, he did prove that he was right.

I feel finally I made peace after all with every important character in Dorm 21 of the 1993 - 1994 period who had coloured my life profoundly.

In 1997 I wrote to Mior and we had truthful exchanges. I visited Mior in Sydney last year and he remained one of the most important characters of my teenage life whom I can still count on until today (not to mention that we share so many common grounds in our views about life and society).

I made peace with Auzir a long time ago and remain on good terms until today. I could have written a lot more but his wife reads this blog (ha ha) so I shall not risk incriminating him with the misdeed of the yesteryears.

And now I found closure with A.

I pray for the best of health and for the best things in this life and hereafter for him. I don't think we can make up for the loss of the 20 years (what more with my own fate always hanging in an unfair balance), but I am at peace knowing that the one person whom I had expected to reach the pinnacle of success when we were in MCKK, is finally on the way to make the best of the time given to him.

As we left (I get a parking fine for parking illegally, again), he jokingly said "I wanted to say please stay out of trouble, but then...." and he walked away in a grin.

That is A whom I know from those years and I am so glad that he is back.

PPM

I first went to PPM in 1991 when I was in Form 2. It felt ages ago. It was in fact the most enjoyable PPM of all the 10 PPMs I attended (either as a participant or as a coach) because we crashed early, so I had all the time to make friends.

By 1991, MCKK had not won PPM for 11 consecutive years. The last time we won was in 1980 led by Dato' Saifuddin Abdullah. He was the only PPM best speaker from MCKK at that time, so the near mythical status was difficult to challenge.

Against all odds, we won in 1992. In fact, we won again in 1993 this time more convincingly and hands down. As it turned out, the 90s proved to be the most successful PPM forays for MCKK, with only 2 years that we did not make it to the final of either category.

The record speaks for itself:

1990: English final
1991: English final/best speaker
1992: BM won/best speaker
1993: BM won/best speaker
1996: BM final
1997: English final
1998: BM final/best speaker
1999: BM won/best sepaker
2000: BM final

This year marks the longest time in the PPM period that MCKK did not win. There was a gap of 11 years (1980 to 1991) before we won it in 1992. The long years catapulted a near frenzy celebration when we were declared the winner in Dewan Muktamar in 1992.

This year, it has been 12 years since we last won the trophy (1999 to 2011).

I had quit the coaching since 2009 after 6 years looking after both teams. We had ups and downs. Although we did not win PPM, but MCKK created a near unbeatable record by going to the final of Inter-school Debating Championship (the largest debating tournament) 5 years in a row in 2004, 2005, 2006, 2007 and 2008.

But every debater dream is to win PPM. I wish we can end this dearth of PPM win sooner rather than later.

Someone asks me why we didn't win in spite of the efforts, training etc.

Looking back, I think winning PPM is not just about superior knowledge, practice and debating skills. It took a lot more than that - it needs everything with the team to go well, from the teachers, to the coaches, to the HM and the debaters.

Failure to recognise this, means a constant repeat of failures at PPM each year.

One day, we may see a debater who rise above everything to lead the team to win PPM. I believe whoever that person is, is destined for greater things because he will have a lot on his plate to navigate.

Until then, good luck :-)

Scare of A Lifetime

Rashad Class of 2008 alerted me that this blog has been deleted.

He asked whether I intentionally deleted the blog or it was a sabotage, since my laptop, Gmail etc has been a victim of hacking for the last one month (well, not surprising with the kind of things I do nowadays).

Luckily, I guess it was a result of the stepped up security that it messed a lot of things given how inter-connected internet applications are.

So here I am at 439 am feeling a great sigh of relief despite the bulging eye balls that desperately need a short nap.

But at least volumes of writings and memories of the last 8 years will not go to waste as I really want this blog to hit 10 years in 2014!

Back in business!

There and Back Again

We'll do it all

Everything

On our own

We don't need

Anything

Or anyone

If I lay here

If I just lay here

Would you lie with me

And just forget the world?

Forget what we're told

Before we get too old

Show me a garden

That's bursting into life

All that I am

All that I ever was

Is here in your perfect eyes

They're all I can see

I don't know where

Confused about how as well

Just know that these things

Will never change for us at all

A New Spring?

And so it ended. We would not make it to the national championship in STF this year although by all accounts, many would have agreed grudgingly that we deserved the spot most judging by how we have played.

I am not usually keen to talk about luck. I don't believe that much in luck, I certainly don't put my faith in luck. But those who were there watching the semi-final at which we crashed, would have inclined to agree that luck was certainly not on our side even if you are not a firm believer in such a thing.

We were up against Sekolah Menengah Sains Mohamad Jiwa (to whom a credit is due, because their Alumni was the pioneer of this tournament) in the semi final, after a rather slow start at the grouping.

We drew both with STSSS (1-1) and SAINA (0-0). The first game was disastrous, luckily by the second game the boys were more composed and began to dictate the game.

They thought their biggest fear was against STAR in the quarter final. They played well and scored first - always elusive with previous teams. STAR equalised during a short moment of confusion when the ball had hit a leg in the D and the boys were expecting a whistle; but the game continued. Anyway, what was important they did beat STAR - which I kept telling them was what would have been expected of them, since STAR had never once beaten koleq on the hockey field since I followed the team in 2007 (except last year when we lost by one goal during penalty stroke).

They did continue the tempo during the semi final against MdJiwa. They played well, kept the pressure, scored first before a lull in defence allowed an easy goal by MdJiwa. They had many opportunities which could have ended the game but eventually it dragged to sudden death and penalty stroke.

By then it boiled down to luck.

Even so, the boys actually had a good start all along. Twice they were leading during the penalty stroke when Megat (the keeper) saved. In fact Megat played so well that we just had to reward him cash on the spot (ha ha).

In the end, they still lost 1-0 by penalty stroke.

They went on to play for the 3rd and 4th placing, played extremely well and defeated SMSAH 4-0. But by then, they would not have qualified for the national level.

How do you make sense of everything, when you feel they truly deserve to be in the national tournament?

Well, I have always believed that life is fair. If you don't win, that's because some other teams deserve to win. They may not be the best team to our naked eyes, but there are other things hidden from us that make them more deserving to win.

They may have trained much more than our boys. The school could have put all that they have for this. They may be more experienced and more determined - and a plethora of other reasons.

But what is important is for the boys to also realise that for every one door that closes, one more will open. Sometimes we don't get what we want now because something bigger is waiting.

So the only option they have now is to press ahead with more consistent training.

And this is where they will fail without the proper support from the adults. Mr Thaman and Mr Pala had drawn up a good training schedule, consisting of 3 days training on the turf, 2 days in the gym and another 2 on the field. We have committed to book the turf and pay, as well as arranging regular friendlies because frankly speaking, what the boys require most is match exposures (sounds familiar ha ha).

I came back from KK without a voice (which will definitely spell trouble because I have one full month of speaking engagements that I have to honour), fully drained and in deep withdrawal syndrome (because I don't want to leave the surreal world of school's hockey team and back to the real world).

But certain things about Mighty Ducks that never change.

First, it is never about hockey. Looking at Mr Thaman and Mr Pala talking to the boys, telling their hopes and asking the boys to play one beautiful game for them will melt anyone's heart. It is the most beautiful story that can be told - stuff that would have made it to big cinema screen if anyone dares to fund it.

Mighty Ducks has always been about our collective stories, from different backgrounds and worldly worries; weaved together into one stream of endless tales of love and selflessness. It is about the journey to teach a group of young, gullible boys about the way of the world; so that where we have erred, they will not and where we have failed, they will succeed.

I told them that my objective is very simple. I want to teach them the pride and joy of being an MCKK boy by experiencing the feeling when they walk into a hockey pitch - the fear evoked in their opponents, the respect they earn from others, the confidence which they carry.

I want them to feel what I felt at their age; when I grew up feeling I could change the world if only I put my mind to it (the fact that I didn't is something else altogether). I want them to understand the meaning of undying loyalty to a cause and to develop resourcefulness to convert that loyalty to a result.

Because once they understand the meaning of all this, they can truly conquer the world when they grow up. They can become whoever they want to be.

And that's the best gift we can give them so that when they look back one day, they would want to take our place and offer their services to the society without conditions.

The wheel of life turns all the time. What once has passed may come again, what was lost may be recovered. The time may yet come when others will tremble when they have to face MCKK on the hockey pitch.

(In between that, we have a lot of work to do to raise money and arrange friendlies and making sure they understand how much they mean to us, but that's always another story better not told here).

For the photos, please visit http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.400185963328646.113373.115420795138499&type=3

For updates on the boys' progress, please visit Mighty Duck Project's FB page http://www.facebook.com/pages/Mighty-Ducks-Project-MCKK-Hockey-Revival-Program/115420795138499

The present boys' FB http://www.facebook.com/pages/Malay-College-Hockey-Association/173621902741824

You can follow their games and activities on Youtube  channel MightyDucksMCKK