Profil Pelajar MCKK

From my last visit to the alma mater, I have this sinking feeling that the school (by this I mean people who are running the school) is going out of her way to redefine what constitutes a budak koleq.

The identity of college boys which was so much based on subtlety and quiet understanding that markedly makes us different, is quickly eroding. I have resigned to the fact that it’s very difficult to make non-budak koleq understands what is it that makes budak koleq a budak koleq – and for example why writing “Pengawas Pusat Sumber” on a Malay College tie, or why sewing a big college’s crest on the maroon blazer is an abomination of what Malay College is all about.

We don’t need signage or big label in white on our tie or blazer to tell who we are. A small green badge or red badge is enough to tell that one is a prefect or biawak – subtlety is a form of mannerism that we guarded firmly in our conducts as budak koleq. We were taught to be confident and to take pride in that confidence and therefore, we do not need to differentiate ourselves with what we wear, but more with how we behave. I learnt many things from Malay College, but self-publicity was not one of them!

(Anyway I don’t intend this rambling to be of high philosophical value, so let’s cut the crap and go straight to the point)

Nowadays if you happen to be around the Foyer, instead of the usual whiteboard with announcements and roster of wardens and prefects on duty, you will find a cheap looking plastic board, almost similar to the ugly ones you find in Hargreaves Hall (which replaced the classic and valuable wooden panel – God our administrators just do not know how to value history and arts!) – that lists down the so-called “Profil Pelajar MCKK”.

I have decided to come up with a simple checklist with ratings and indicators to see whether I, who had left the school more than a decade ago, fit to be a Malay College student today:

Putera MCKK segak bersopan
- 10 points if you were a jambu back then
- Minus 5 points if during your stay at Prep School, you ever received a confinement (or more) on charges of being “selebet”
- Minus 50 points if you ever chased the teachers with parang or any similar dangerous weapons
- 20 points if you ever had an affair (non-physical affair) with a lady teacher or any adult women from Kuala Kangsar, including member of the canteen’s staff

Sentiasa mara menuju kegemilangan
- 10 points if you were in the top 10% of your class
- Minus 5 points if you skive your Sukantara events by climbing into someone’s cube to sleep
- Minus 20 points if you spend too much time with special someone, or your classmates, or your dorm mates that you only started revising 2 months before SPM
- 50 points if you achieve 12As or more in any exams

Ilmu dituntut tiada sempadan
- 10 points if you took more than the mandatory 9 subjects in SPM and scored As in all of them
- Minus 5 points if you are one of those who slept more in the library than on your own bed (during school hours, afternoon prep and evening prep)
- 10 points if you attend extra classes/tuitions during the afternoon and night preps
- Minus 20 points if you did not get 8As in PMR

Pada Ilahi dipohon keredaan
- Minus 10 points if you sodom (that is sembahyang-dalam-dorm) when you were in F4 or F5
- Minus 20 points if you go to Masjid Ridzwaniah on early Saturday morning for Subuh prayers with the intention of dating your “brother” and buying him “putu mayam”
- Minus 30 points if you “abused” the cubes (or climbed into someone else’s cube) to skive Friday prayers
- Minus 50 points if you did not get A1 for your Pendidikan Islam in SPM despite the fact that you were one of the BRU (or its successor BANI) Excos

Well you get the drift.

Half way through of developing the checklist, I decided to take a go to see whether I fit (no point doing the whole checklist if I don’t pass through the first paragraph ha ha):

Putera MCKK segak bersopan: 0 point
Sentiasa mara menuju kegemilangan: (10 – 5 – 20) = -15 points
Ilmu dituntut tiada sempadan: -5 points
Pada Ilahi dipohon keredaan: (-10 – 20 – 50) = -80 points
Total so far: -100 points

Compared to the standards that I have in mind (and based on what is expected of budak koleq nowadays):

> 100 points : Congratulations! You are our perfect Malay Collegian of the new millennium

50 – 99 points : You will still pass a first cut scrutiny but you will be a nobody in college because you do not possess the majority of the criteria required

0 – 49 points : The only reason you are here in Malay College is either your dad is a big shot in MCOBA or he has powerful friends in the government, otherwise you do not even fit to be in our Detention Class

< 0 point: You are a scum bag that put the whole school at risk and your kind of people will just create more problems to us, grow up to become a loser and should not even be allowed to go to any school for that matter. You will become like that Dr Azahari*, or Hishamuddin Rais!

Oh well…. I guess our education system, not just the Malay College, is so messed up that if we were to go through the school system now, there will be a big mark on our forehead – “problematic child, untalented etc. etc.” because we just do not fit the expectation and focus of the present system.

If you don’t have anything to do and is a loser like moi by today’s expectation of a good student, do have a go at the test to see whether you even deserve to be in the Detention Class ha ha.

PS: No disrespect to Allahyarham