Thursday, October 07, 2010

There And Back Again

It must have been ages.

The last posting was at the start of Ramadhan and as was with all the other things in the last one and a half month, the target for ucapan raya Warta KPKM missed by a mile.

I always said that life is what happens to you while you are busy planning other things (well, not my original quotation, I was so touched watching Mr Holland's Opus and the theme featured prominently in the movie. In fact some of us must have fancied ourselves as Mr Holland throughout those years doing The Mighty Ducks Project - Note 1) .

I digress, this is what happens when you stop writing for a while.

Anyway, life took a very different turn in mid-August. I tried my best to plan for things around me, but sometimes certain things cannot be anticipated at all. Many people asked why I decided to go for it, especially knowing my tendency to shy away from amanah, because once you give your words to carry it you have to climb a mountain to do justice to the amanah so entrusted on you.

I blame 99% of the decision on MCKK.

There's a notion called duty that MCKK is so good at inculcating in us. We grew up with this heavy notion on our shoulders, that it is our duty to do what is asked of us, or what is right when no one else was around to do it, no matter what our personal feelings are. It's the notion of duty that makes some prefects in Kuala Kangsar become monstrous, it is also the same notion that made us braved the night to deliver the best Speech Day's exhibition ever (well, plus the chance to spend time with the juniors, NGA TA etc., but that's just a side dish).

So some of us ended up in what can only be best described by Frodo's foolish offer to carry the ring to the mountain:

"I'll do it, though I do not know the way"

In all probability, he would be killed in the enterprise and it was a mission destined for disaster. Yet while hardship and pain awaits at each junction, there are times when the fate of the many is decided by the smallest and most unexpected, for life is also about the pureness of heart and intention, not always about the strength and might.

With that naive hope, so I embarked on the next adventure. I am pretty sure that the wounds will be great and it takes time to recover, but as long as it is not a mortal wound, I am reminded of Fazurin's nonchalant speech to the debaters in 2006 that what does not kill us will make us stronger.

As much as MCKK values compelled us to make erratic and unexpected decisions that others may shirk away from (given the circumstances), MCKK world also provided the most comfort in the lonely journey. I am grateful that I am surrounded and assisted by the ablest and most dedicated juniors, whose commitment breaks my heart knowing that they have to carry part of the burden unwittingly due to the association with me.  The batchmates who rally the support - either financial or material beings - remind me of why no matter how far we choose to travel, no matter how big is our adventure; our roots are here and we shall always be back here. 

The blip in the last one month is a glimpse of what may yet to come. This is my burden and there is no other way, I have always known that the last 6 years would not last forever. I am glad that we made the best out of the time, to recreate friendships, to fill the void of growing old with a modicum of laughter and memories. One day we will fall back to those crucial 6 years as the period that binds us as strong as the 5 fulfilling years in MCKK had been - so that whatever or wherever we choose to traverse this Earth, we will not lose way with each other.

Certainly there will be adjustments. At the beginning, there was even option that the blog had to be restarted from scratch, but we have hundreds of postings here that are too valuable to confine to the bin of archives. So this will stay and Noni Kapet will be around for many years to come - somehow we'll manage and it'll be more fun to keep everyone guessing on which Noni doing which post.

So as the title suggests - I will be away for a while but I will always be here, because my heart is here. Those who keep coming back to check for an update, please do come back. It's only a short while before I complete the journey and be back again.

Welcome back everyone, sorry to have scared you.

Mr Holland has got nothing to do with trying to be Holland's big brother, ha ha ha.

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