Sunday, April 06, 2008

Wedding Reviews

This is really late – I have 3 outstanding wedding reviews for Sharap’s, Jita’s and Auzir’s. The race is still on whether anyone can beat the crappiest wedding so far (ha ha totally from my perspective) that was so easily won by Fido hands down (read the review here).

In a way all 3 were extremely close to me in koleq and throughout the last 10-15 years. Auzir was a dorm mate since we were in Form 3 and our beds faced each other in 1994 future. Once upon a time, we know each other at back of our hands.

Sharap was perhaps one of the closest batchmate in my company in 1994. It was an odd situation – because I was one of the most vocal in insisting that some prefects from our batch were sacked at the end of 1993 “to start fresh in 1994” so to speak. Due to a combination of factors, Sharap was one who was made to relinquish his prefectship. He took it well, ate the humble pie and went through the so-called “rehabilitation” so well that rarely I have met a person with so much dignity, humility and decency before or after Malay College. In that rehabilitation period we became close because our dorm was next to each other and became confidante to each other. He too is privy to many of my skeletons in the closet as much as I his. On the Graduation Day on 14 November 1994, I gave the pen that the school awarded to me for an overall best student award to Sharap; for him to keep as a remembrance of our friendship (which he better keeps till now because one day I might ask him to reproduce!)

I was never close to Jita in koleq – apart from being in the same class in Form 5 and same English set. But we were thrown to a really miserable school called Morrison’s Academy in Scotland for A-Level and it was then that I discovered his kindness. Jita could have been too brash when he was in koleq (ha ha he can still be now) that many people did not have the opportunity to ever get really close to him to know the kind heart beneath the brashness. Throughout my years in the UK, he was one of the very few who stood loyally throughout the turbulence and madness that was often associated with me – either through our society activities or in my own private life. Once I decided to do a UK-wide newsletter for Malaysian A-Level students – it was quite crazy considering I was in the middle of nowhere, had no money and despised by most of the people whom I was supposed to be serving. I didn’t even have a laptop or access to a computer back then. I just wanted to do it because I was bored stuck in a middle of nowhere revising A-Level subjects all the time (errr actually playing cards all the time).

Understandably everyone thought I was mad and never took me seriously. The seniors I guess looked at me as the idiot from MCKK who thought too much of himself. My other scholarship batchmates from other schools didn’t want to have anything to do with it. But Jita (despite his obvious reluctance of getting dragged into another “Pinky and The Brain” scheme) actually offered his assistance and did not ridicule me the way others did. Eventually his dad bought him a laptop (an Olivetti brick-type laptop; the password of which we – myself, Fadli and Allen – cracked in a matter of a few weeks ha ha. First it was “abah”, then it was “sudip”; as a tribute to one of his private jokes with his ex-girl friend at the time). We did go ahead and by the time we left A-Level; we did have the bulletin circulated to most of Malaysian students doing A-Level in the UK.

So naturally when I went on to become Chairman of UKEC, I trusted no one else to become Vice-Chairman of Finance (the treasurer) but Jita, who occupied the post for 2 full terms. He even used his ASB savings to pay for one of the events in 1997; which the society still owes him till this very day.

Jita was by far the most loaded among all of us, so he had his own nice apartment in Earl’s Court throughout our UK years (which we subsequently called B&B). We eventually hijacked the place and turned into our own HQ, the venue of so many fond memories during our university years – from reunion, to strip poker, to farewell and anything under the sun.

Nowadays he is a lot more averse to any “Pinky and The Brain” schemes, preferring to play a devil’s advocate role to convince me that my idea was too out of this world. Of all people – apart from Fadli; he knows most if not all of the skeletons in my closet. Likewise I can dictate event by event of his own “things I don’t want people to know” ha ha.

So for each wedding, I shall give the reviews as follows:


Surprisingly it was a very modest wedding; not even a sitting down wedding that is so common nowadays (but I hate so much since I would be stuck sitting from beginning to the end). Though the VIPs included Tan Sri Noor Yaacob and Tan Sri Hassan Marican; all in all it was a very traditional wedding that was down to earth. [ME LIKE, 4 stars]

"Milik siapakah perut ini, bagai berkurun lama kelaparan..."

Food was not bad, but guests would have to wait for a full quorum at each table – that sometimes you ended up with strangers you don’t know. I guess it’s a trade off between being extremely kampong-like where you can sit anywhere and trying not to waste too much food since it was a served function. [ME GRUMBLE A BIT LAAAA…. 3 stars]

Attendance wise, this is one of the highest since it was in KL. Even those who work overseas (Fadli from Singapore, Chamat from Beijing and Fazurin from DC, Wong from entah mana2 dia kena pi offshore) were all there, lucky Jita. I forfeited RM300 after being caught talking on the cell phone while driving; because at the moment I picked Chamat’s call to give direction – there was a police car exactly on my right. But the RM300 was worth it (it will not be taken into account in the review :-p ) considering this was the largest gathering so far of any wedding. In fact after that, everyone adjourned to Epit’s house for a mini gathering on the pretext to discuss Sukanterer (although the ones who really discussed Sukanterer tak sampai 7 orang pun, yang lain datang melantak. Itu pun La’ba, Mattop and Chamat couldn’t agree on 5 Sc 2 list till the end!). [ME WAS TOUCHED BY ATTENDANCE…. 5 stars]

Weather – great, no complaint as it was held inside the Putrajaya Hall. [ME INDIFFERENT… 3 stars]


I went with Pejal in his new Accord, so the travelling was smooth…. until we reached Kuantan. It was embarrassing that having worked in Kuantan for 2 years, lived in Kemaman all my life and had been to Sharap’s house 4 times, I actually forgot how to go to his place from Bandar Kuantan. So we had to rely on the stupid GPS which kept directing us to the same place over and over again. Fortunately our lateness was not an issue, since we were the only ones from KL that day. Apart from Pejal and I, only Fly, Mumtazi and Toje attended. Therefore attendance wise…… Sharap sudah sampai taraf nyaris dibuang batch. [ME HAVE TO BE IMPARTIAL…. 2 stars]

Food was excellent, really nice and dimasak oleh pak sedara Sharap some more. Dah le tu, we were among the last so makan 2-3 pinggan (Pejal tu, bukan aku) pun tak de yang kisah. [ME LIKE….. 5 stars]

Weather was mendung2 ala nak tak nak – nak terang pun tak nak, nak mendung pun tak nak. Tapi tak de puting sapa2 yang jadi mangsa hujan, so masih dikira bagus. My guess is Sharap actually hired a good bomoh hujan that’s why weather was mendung2 nak tak nak, fighting the spell and charm (apa beza spell and charm?) of the bomoh hujan. [ME WAS IMPRESSED…. 4 stars]

Owh it was a buffet style traditional wedding. No qualm, just how I like it. [SMASHING … 4 stars]


Despite the location which was Jawang – the turn up was surprisingly high! Some of us the Bapak Itik took the opportunity to do training for the kids; and I conducted the same for debaters, so that pushed the attendance. But even without us – there were many others who had been missing reunions such as Amoeba (YB yang banyak complain pasal everything tapi nyaris nak kena buang batch sebab tak datang past reunions, nasib baik Sukanterer datang even though late). Dah le tu the location was not the easiest to find ha ha; at a junction near the bridge we saw Syed Moto in his car. Syed would have known Auzir’s place since he was the matchmaker, so we let him overtook us and followed him. We (Joe was in my car) realised he was going the wrong way but gave him the benefit of the doubt; thinking maybe he was taking a short cut. It was only after a while we realised he was zigzagging and swaying (but then initially we thought it was normal since what do you expect from Syed Moto?) that we realised we were lost and he was asking us to take the lead. Moral nya: jangan sekali2 suruh Dr M lead the way on the road. Plus, there were others from Class of 91 i.e. Jimie and Aum who came all the way from KL; jambu jugak si Auzir ni. [Owh I digress, ATTENDANCE WAS SUPERB …. 5 stars]

Food? He he he yang ni panjang ceritanya, sila lihat rentetan peristiwa bergambar di bawah.

Tetamu mula2 sampai, diberitahu kena tunggu jap kot sebab tengah masak second round.

Tetamu menghabiskan masa usik mengusik dan bertanya khabar, sementara menunggu makanan (tapi peluh mula turun sebab agaklah panas….)

Ketibaan Raja Batak (and dia pun aspire to be Raja Lawak) all the way from JB membawa perut dan isteri, penantian masih belum berakhir.

Akhirnya resignation set in yang makanan sudah habis and for once, bukan kitorang yang habiskan! Maka sidang tergempar di buat untuk mencari apa tindakan selepas ini.

Epit yang tidak percaya dengan keadaan ini bermain buaian Bawang Putih Bawang Merah (tapi tak sedar berat badan) sehingga koyak dan putus buaian kat rumah Auzir. Lain kali timbang dulu.

Keputusan mesyuarat batch tergempar adalah kita perlu “cut our losses” dan mengisi perut di tempat lain. Kita balas dendam kat Auzir dengan cara lain, termasuklah melalui wedding review yang akan masuk blog batch. Maka pergilah beramai2 mengucapkan “Hi” dan “Selamat Pengantin Baru” kepada Auzir (kesian Auzir, dia tak tahu pun masalah besar yang kami lalui, dia ingat kami happy sebab dok snap gambar dia)

Rombongan batch pun meninggalkan majlis dan bergerak ke destinasi seterusnya – Benteng di KK sebab nak isi perut! KNO tak puas hati sambil menunjukkan kolam ikan yang jadi landmark dalam peta, sebab kolam ikan itu sangatlah misleading.

Tetapi Raja Batak langsung tidak patah semangat. Dengan tanpa malu atau segan silu, dia join rombongan pengantin perempuan melantak di khemah pengantin perempuan. Tak cukup dengan itu, dia seret bininya sekali untuk turut sama melantak. Dan bila dah habis makan, dia siap tapau karipap dalam poketnya, perangai lama tapau karipap dalam poket masa snack tak dapat dibuang.

Kami yang lain-lain berundur (sambil licking our wounds) ke Benteng. Setelah segala maki-hamun, last2 mak Dr M yang terhibur dengan perangai kami belanja kitorang kat Benteng…. Fuyoooo, selamat aku, kalau tak sah2 aku lah jadi mangsa hari tu.

Keesokan harinya, Auzir datang melawat koleq nak jumpa kitorang yang masih ada dengan anak2 itik and debaters, sambil membawa nasi lemak. Dia baru tahu kelaparan budak2 batchnya semalam – and he knew well enough that perkara perut lapar ni boleh menyebabkan pertumpahan darah or putus saudara dalam batch kami.

Tak cukup dengan itu, masa reunion Sukanterer hari tu, sekali lagi Haji Auzir sediakan makanan free, breakfast beriani untuk semua badak2 pelahap yang lambat bangun tido lepas penat berlarian di padang.

Atas sebab itu, keseluruhannya wedding Auzir diberi 4 bintang kerana kesungguhannya untuk cuba lari dari sama taraf ngan Fido.


Penarafan wedding setakat ini:

1) Jita – 4 bintang
2) Auzir – 4 bintang
3) Sharap – 3.8976 bintang
4) Fido – masih lagi dengan 5 jamban


Jita’s wedding, makan2 kat rumah Epit lepas wedding Jita, Auzir’s wedding


  1. Anonymous9:05 PM

    ya allah bocap banyak nya kau melantak!

  2. Bcp Unlmtd10:06 AM

    Rejeki Allahh......... (quote Labu dlm Labu Labi)

  3. kenduri kau bila pulak, noni?

  4. untuk membolehkan aku terus buat review2 wedding mcm ni, eloklah aku terus jadi teruna.

    after all, kau dah terlambat. pasrah lah dgn pejal.

  5. setinggan overfloor8:39 AM

    luka dalam pejal dah ok ke?

  6. dah kot.. aku lupa nak check.

  7. a"noni"mous6:28 PM

    noni, la nie kalau ko buat kenduri kahwin ko leh mintak sponsor MB baru..
    takpun amik venue kat rumah agam die yang tak kunjung siap tuh

  8. Next kenduri sapa?
    kn94o ke?
    dah masuk bulan may, tak bau pun lagi nasik minyak....